the week slipped by without me noticing. it is warm and lovely and i have spent the days, struggling hopefully with german and cavorting about with friendly girls. 

hopefully, not hopelessly.

i so quickly forgot what it was like to have girlfriends. how easy and sweet and silly it is to sit and prattle on about boys and clothes and nights out. to sit in the sun and laugh about nothing over coffee. how precious it is. today i wore a yellow dress because i felt happy.

when i arrived at class, camille said, was für ein schönes kleid!

we are girls.

last night we went to another bar on the river. it started out as a van. it turned into an enormous, beautiful area with a fire pit and a photo booth, a restaurant and a dance floor, weeping willows and stadium seats, cabanas and swings that reach out across the water. there seem to be swings everywhere in germany.

we had the following collection of people. camille, from france. rebecca, from london. mary, from finland. alex, from new zealand. eva, from sweden. christian, from germany. dominco, from italy. cupcake, from california. plus an assortment of other people i never quite met who further added to our multicultural festival. we spoke german. we drank too many beers. we danced and danced. we swang.

camille and i walked home together at 4:30 this morning. i think we laughed for a half an hour straight. she is quiet and sweet and when she laughs it is only noticeable because her whole self shakes and she lets little, almost imperceptible wheezes escape. she does not speak much in german or english or french, but i feel comfortable near her. we smile a lot and that is enough. at one point in the night, she tells me she hasn't had much to eat and after two beers is a little drunk. then, well, not drunk, and in english she says,  aye veel ah-pee.

not drunk. just ah-pee.

some five hours later, we were back in class together. speaking german. complimenting each other's dresses.

today it is friday. thomas comes in two weeks and i will leave berlin. the reality of this is starting to settle in and i feel nervous to leave. but i suppose the beauty is in the changing. i am always so afraid of change, yet it's often what i most need. i thought i didn't want to go to a different school. i thought i wanted to stay at the goethe-institute because it was familiar and comfortable. but here i am, in the different and the change, and i'm elated.  and i suppose it's not about always needing something different, but just accepting it when it comes. being malleable. 

so i will go along with the changes, take them as they come, and enjoy the process. i am the one constant. i am beth. this is who i am and who i am becoming.

and i feel okay. i feel stable. 

i feel capable of handling the moments that are not.

today we're having a barbeque in the park. our strange and beautiful collection of people will eat bratwurst and kartoffelsalat. we will drink beers and i will turn pink in the sun. we will speak german. we will talk about each other's sandals. my summer in berlin.

i have only one regret; i haven't made cookies.