and i thought about it for a minute.
yes, was the obvious answer, which i didn't realize was obvious until i said it and it felt right on my tongue. yes i am glad i'm in berlin. i'm glad i'm here, exactly where i am now.
i am glad i'm in berlin. today was just a day. and i loved that.
i am living a fairly regular life in berlin. i woke up early and unpacked from my trip. i sat on the deck a while and savored the sun that almost always announces the rain's later arrival. i wrote some emails, put in a load of laundry, and took a shower. i even shaved my legs. then i cleaned up my room a bit and went to my favorite little coffee shop, where the woman who works every day of her life calls me bella. she is petite and delicate and fits perfectly in the tiny shop, which is framed by crackling yellow benches. she only speaks to me in german, which i appreciate. she is patient when i don't understand. she repeats and gesticulates and enunciates. she can speak english, but she sees i am trying, so she lets me speak german. i like her.
i went to the library at school and attempted to read the german newspaper. i got a letter from kate and savored it like the last bite of cake. i glued things into my journal- ticket stubs, pictures, receipts, coasters scratched with reminders of each kölsch we drank. i talked to some classmates, reviewed my homework, and then went to class.
class was easy and fun. we had our first and last test, which we opted for to gauge our progress. i felt good about it. we learned the konjuktiv II so i can talk about my dreams and wishes with proper grammar. during break, we sat at a cafe and talked. tomorrow is our last day and most people are leaving by sunday at the latest. we have quite the little collection of people. irene and leida, from spain who giggle likes little girls and clap and sing songs with rolling r's. shao han, from taiwan who wears neon green tights and blue eyeshadow every day and calls everyone dahling. jacob, from oklahoma who loves to talk about poetry and translation and tucks his hair repeatedly behind his ears. carlos, from chile who asks many questions and is fixated on ping-pong. we sit at tables and talk and share our discoveries and our difficulties in berlin. i have known them only 3 weeks, but we have a bond and it is warm and a little awkward and beautiful.
after class, we all had a beer and then i came home.
i did my homework, talked to my sister and to beth, folded my laundry.
it was just a day and it was good and i am learning to not require drama from life to enjoy it, or to feel like i am living it rather. sometimes i almost get scared when i feel fine, when i don't feel elated or crushed, when i am not vacillating wildly, when i'm just existing. but it's less permissive here. there's no one to collect me should i fall apart. so i try not to. and that responsibility is scary, but also liberating. i can take care of myself.
just a day in berlin.
this weekend i am thinking of going to poland.
i am having a regular day in berlin and maybe in a few days i'll go to poland or maybe not.
i guess that's just what it's like when you're in berlin and you might be the luckiest girl in the world.
what you don't know, you can feel somehow. what you don't have, you don't need it now. it was a beautiful day.
